Save the World, Lose the Girl
Last night I had a dream and although I woke up many times throughout the night, the dream continued uninterrupted each time I laid my head back down to rest…
I’m sitting in an office cubicle. In front of me…the drab gray of cubicle living, yet behind me lays a magnificent city skyline tucked safely behind a ten by ten pane of glass. I’m smoking. What century is this? Smoking at work..? I look down and my attire lends credence to my nearly foregone conclusion…it must be the late 1930s.
I put my cigarette out in an ashtray overflowing with the yellow stains of addiction. I walk up to the large glass window and instinctively light another cigarette…it tastes horrible. I blow smoke against the window, creating my own heavy fog for a city that seems to be perfectly asleep. It must be early, or is it late? I look down at my watch, a nice Union watch, finding the time to be nearly 4 in the morning.
A soft voice startles me. I turn around to find an attractive woman, almost mousy…almost sexy, looking at me disapprovingly. She asks me why I didn’t go home last night. Lumbering towards my cubicle I create millions of excuses, praying one will satisfy the woman and shut her up. Rolling her eyes, she hands me an envelope…I light another cigarette and slide into my chair. The equally drab envelope has a large stamp on it reading “Top Secret.” To say the least, I’m intrigued.
I rip it open and spill its contents out. Another woman walks by my desk and runs her hand across my shoulder as she passes, shooting a seductive eye back at me. Pencil skirts and office flirts. Is this my life? Reading over the documents soon reveals them to be the blueprints for a massive bomb. I do not understand the science, but the intent is clear…a bomb to end all existence. The cover sheet, which I had flipped passed, suddenly becomes paramount and I rustle through the sheets to find the heading…
“Manhattan Project.” I am building the bomb.
I rush to the window, lighting another cigarette and stretching my eyes to find any semblance of resemblance. As my smoke collides with the glass and whips back up at my face, I find the evidence I feared most. Lady Liberty…adrift in the Atlantic. Alone.
I am in the heart of New York City, and I am building the bomb.
I throw my cigarette on the floor and rush out. Women attempt to stop me. Women. Lovely women with pencil skirts. I fly through stairwells and open doors…a maze of corporate cover-ups and secret dealings, a labyrinth of bullshit. I finally find an exit and hit it running. Guards are on my tail. Lungs scarred by nicotine do not slow me down.
They trap me, surrounding with not weapons drawn but looks of concern. Am I really this big of a rock star? They call out to me, begging me to calm down. I’m pressed hard against a brick wall, palms flat and sweaty. A man dressed very similarly to me runs up and attempts to soothe me. He tells me that I am critical to everything and without me, they cannot achieve the greatest scientific feat in the history of mankind. He calls me doctor, he calls me names I’ve never heard.
I reach and find my fingers around one of the guards’ pistols. I put the cold steel to my head and begin circling around. I beg them to just let me leave. I don’t want any part of this. I know everything they do not. I want to leave. I want to walk away. They will not let me.
And the soothing voice of the man grows stern, telling me that that simply cannot be. I cannot leave, until the project is done. That was the agreement. The terms of my escape from Eastern Germany. The bomb is my great repentance.
I look the man in the eyes and scream, so loud and so furiously that the crowd takes a collective step back. Cocking the pistol I say coldly and defiantly, “I-I refuse!”
And all is quiet, all is black.
And I find myself awake in Austin, Texas…no cigarettes or blueprints near me. Just a deep, stabbing pain in my head…where the imaginary bullet made my choice final.
One Response to “Save the World, Lose the Girl”
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November 6th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
just “Give it Up”…”Forget What You Know.” this is “The Sacrifice of Life.” you of all people would know this.