Moving Universes With My Mind
My entire life I have been cursed with a recurring dream. This particular phantasm is unbound by the rules that govern its more traditional ilk, haunting me both while I sleep and during the mundane activities of my everyday life. I cannot escape it. Or more precisely, I cannot escape her.
In this dream time does not exist. I find myself Primordial Man, walking unabashed by my own nakedness. Wandering through the flora and fauna of Eden and believing to be the only Soul in existence. And there she is…like a fleeting vision. A wisp of golden brown hair melts into the colors of paradise. And then I blink, the longest of blinks, and find myself a man of Renaissance, in the most precarious of civilizations. I have just gained my bearings when that lustrous hair catches the corner of my eye. I turn to see her and for the first time, perhaps the first time in ages, our eyes meet. I cannot match the intensity of her gaze and my eyes force themselves shut. When I finally gain the courage to open them, it is not her I find, but the dank loneliness of an immigrant tenement. I am disgusting. Judging by my clothes it must be the late 1800s…I attempt to speak and find a tongue I never knew existed. Beautiful words pour forth and for the most intriguing of reasons I understand them…is it Russian? Ukrainian? What is this magnificent disaster spewing from my mouth..? And there she is. Combing her hair, that long sweet hair. She smiles and for the first time I refuse to let her out of my sight. I nearly have to hold my eyes lips open. I am overcome. I ask her name…I think. She pulls me to her with those deep and soulful eyes. I approach her clumsily and she pulls my ear close to her mouth, telling me to close my eyes. I comply so eagerly that the darkness cannot come fast enough, and just like that she is gone, again. This entire universe is gone, and I wake within my bed here and now, in this universe of universes.
A sweat has crept through my skin, a fever of love and lust has stricken my body. Looking to the empty space in my bed I dream of her filling it. Her milky back to me, and that hair…golden brown draped upon her naked shoulders…resting, for nothing in the world come harm her here. I would die to defend her, the woman who’s name I’ll never know. I close my eyes and find myself in Eden again, ripped from this universe and cast into the Great Blunder of our humanity. I am Adam Kadmon, and she will be my Eve. I wander a short eternity and find myself alone, until the sounds of silence draw me away. This harp of wind carries me, closer and closer to her…I just know. And sitting upon a rock, amidst God’s first pond, she sits…innocent and nude, glorious and free. I dive into the water and swim, so furious as if my very life depended upon it…crashing through the water only to find myself in a bath tub, with lukewarm filth all around me. Is this now? Am I home?
No. I am…And on and on and on…
This endless dream; this wondrous illusion. The pursuit of you, whomever you may be. My love knows no bounds, it does not matter, it does not change…only the era. Yes, I may have moved universes with my mind, but in the most truthful of ways, I was always moving them for her.
Maybe one day…I’ll learn her name…and we can lay without words, without clothes, without care…safe and warm, together.
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October 29th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
One girl in all the world. All the world in one girl.