I Shall Meet My Maker…
I have been thinking a lot about my life right now and I have reached the most clear of conclusions: I am being punished.
And rightfully so. Caffeine and nicotine. Words that define my existence. Infidelity, lechery, and hedonism…more words to describe this empty soul. My life is a substance abuse. It is a complete abuse of moral fiber and the mandates of my God. He is showing me the power of Karma and the consequences of dereliction.
I have not been to church since I moved to Austin. I have consumed so much and given so very little back. To the core of humanity I am a parasite, taking and taking without regard to anything else. I feel dirty and pathetic, empty and alone. Oh, there has been love-making, but no love…there has been joy, but no jubilation. I am paying for my sins.
Tomorrow I will attempt to right the ship, as I have so many, many times before. And more of my life may slip away…I do not know. I believe in free will, but I also believe in divine order…which is preeminent? Right now I feel like the most insignificant creation on Earth and bow completely before my Master’s will, or is it whim?
Yet, in this hollow shell of a life I find quiet…and peace. For I know that I will soon meet my maker and repay Him in kind. Forty ounces and a nine millimeter. Truth at the speed of sound. No, I’m not going to kill myself…He’ll have to do that for me.
And then…
One Response to “I Shall Meet My Maker…”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
October 26th, 2007 at 8:47 am
Maybe being conservative wasn’t so bad afterall?
Looking forward to seeing you bud.